Our 30th Year

by Beth Alexander Walsh

     We have made it. 30 years. Our wedding day seemed a lifetime ago and yet feels like yesterday. We had a spectacular party on a gorgeous September Saturday. A happy day followed by a Hawaiian honeymoon and the beginning of the rest of our lives.

     I married well. My husband was (and is) a hard worker. He literally built our house on nights and weekends while working his full-time job. We started with one toilet and a moving blanket for a door in the downstairs and I carried the dirty dishes upstairs to the bathtub as the kitchen sink had yet to be installed. Our dinners together, when I was not working nights, were eaten in the living room on a hand me down coffee table from my parents. I tried my best to help with painting and staining, but the heavy lifting was always his. It was just the two of us those first four years, as we worked on the house and tried to tame our unruly yard. There were ski weekends away, nights out with friends and family and a few infamous summer parties.

     His construction schedule for our house ramped up when I became pregnant with our first child.We needed actual railings on the stairs instead of the two by fours that kept us from falling from the second floor. I had also told him that I refused to feed a baby at the coffee table and that he needed to finish our dining space. There were bedrooms to build and a bathroom to finish. Babies needed a tub to bathe.  Those nine months passed very quickly, but he got it done. I remember us telling our carpet guy how we needed to install the carpet before the baby came. He dubiously looked at my very large waistline telling us he would do his best three weeks before my due date. The house became presentable (enough) when we took our daughter home from the hospital.

     The next five years were a flurry of activity. Our family grew from two to five. Our tenth anniversary came and went, barely acknowledged as the pressing needs of our children came first. Now outnumbered we became tactical conspirators joining forces to raise our little cherubs. It was good to have an ally.

    By our 20^th anniversary there was much to celebrate. Our life was full and rich. There had been trips to Disney, the Grand Canyon and Vegas. (Yes, we took our kids to Vegas!) There were summers on the beach and on the lake. There were cookouts and fire pits and marshmallows and annual camping trips to Vermont with friends and family. There were plays and concerts and sporting events. There were Easter egg hunts, Trick or Treating, visits from Santa and the tooth fairy, and the anticipation of the next Harry Potter book. There was much pride and joy and laughter. Our children have made life more vibrant and us better people.

     Our marriage has not always been easy because life is not easy. We have endured the agony of sick and dying parents. We have been devastated by the loss of too many friends gone too soon. There have been miscommunications and misunderstandings. Harsh words were sometimes followed with days of silence. I have had moments when I thought I was too good for this man only to feel I was unworthy of his love a month later. We are human and flawed but are wholeheartedly connected in love and faith in each other.  I have learned in these 30 years that I don’t have to like the same TV shows, books, music or movies. It is okay for our hobbies and social groups to be different. Keeping balance of who we are individually makes us stronger as a couple.

     Our 30^th anniversary was spent on a ten-day trip to California. The last time we were away alone together for that length of time was our honeymoon.  We are slightly different people from then. We are a little slower, grayer and sporting a few more pounds. I am more appreciative of this vacation than I was of our honeymoon. It was hard earned and every moment was savored by us both. He still opens doors for me and grabs my hand when we cross the street. It is now again just the two of us anticipating what our future has in store and I am thankful we are together to continue that journey.